No more binging.
Although I've had thoughts of purging, it is something that I am mentally and physically incapable of. There's something about vomiting that I cannot do. The lost time I did it was when I was partying, and I have little recollection of that.
But I always end up binging after trying so hard to eat healthy.
Yogurt and cauliflower and apples becomes cake and fast food and ice cream.
I try so hard to control myself but I can't. I just want to be really thin and healthy. I'm not just doing it for the way my body LOOKS, but also for the way my body FEELS. I want to stay away from sugar because I eat too much of it, and do not want to end up diabetic and later on regret what I have done. The sooner I change my habits, the better. And it starts NOW.
Now. Now it something I always say, but never happens. But this time. I'm. Serious.
Saturday, 8 March 2014
Saturday, 22 February 2014
Grade 11
Is a struggle.
My journey from grade 9 to 10 was easy. However, there has always been a noticeable "bump" that I occur every year. It is my lack of intelligence in math. I am in no way mathematically smart. For some reason, I can handle chemistry equations, but linear equations? HA.
Here's a tip. Never listen to your genius brother. Because he's a genius. And he thinks if he can handle it, so can you. Because it seems easy. To him. But it's not. Yeah.
Take physics, he said. It'll be fun, he said. HAH. I've never felt so stressed over simple BEDMAS equations. Velocity= smd. Acceleration= idgaf. What's 25 m/s converted to km/h? WHO GIVES A FUCK GAYUAGUGAFSDA.
On top of physics, I have math, which isn't too fun either. A girl who hates math is not going to enjoy it. I like math more, however, because there is less involvment. It is independent. If you don't get something, the teacher'll come over and help you. But in physics, there's group work and my teacher just randomly picks you to answer the question. And since i'm stupid and don't get it, I never have and never will have the answer. My anxiety is through the fucking roof in that class!
Which is exactly why I'm so keen in pursuing this whole dental hygienist career. No math required. But my three fave subjects are: chem, bio, and English. And I'm good at all 3 of those! HOLLA!
My journey from grade 9 to 10 was easy. However, there has always been a noticeable "bump" that I occur every year. It is my lack of intelligence in math. I am in no way mathematically smart. For some reason, I can handle chemistry equations, but linear equations? HA.
Here's a tip. Never listen to your genius brother. Because he's a genius. And he thinks if he can handle it, so can you. Because it seems easy. To him. But it's not. Yeah.
Take physics, he said. It'll be fun, he said. HAH. I've never felt so stressed over simple BEDMAS equations. Velocity= smd. Acceleration= idgaf. What's 25 m/s converted to km/h? WHO GIVES A FUCK GAYUAGUGAFSDA.
On top of physics, I have math, which isn't too fun either. A girl who hates math is not going to enjoy it. I like math more, however, because there is less involvment. It is independent. If you don't get something, the teacher'll come over and help you. But in physics, there's group work and my teacher just randomly picks you to answer the question. And since i'm stupid and don't get it, I never have and never will have the answer. My anxiety is through the fucking roof in that class!
Which is exactly why I'm so keen in pursuing this whole dental hygienist career. No math required. But my three fave subjects are: chem, bio, and English. And I'm good at all 3 of those! HOLLA!
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
Sunday, 10 November 2013
My Boyfriend
I got him back.
Don't know how I did it.
He broke my heart, I must admit it.
He lied to me, I was mad.
But he's back.
I don't have to be sad.
October 25th, 2013.
My one and only.
TG.
Don't know how I did it.
He broke my heart, I must admit it.
He lied to me, I was mad.
But he's back.
I don't have to be sad.
October 25th, 2013.
My one and only.
TG.
Thursday, 7 November 2013
My [Ex] Boyfriend
I was happy to meet him on a Monday. At Subway. He was a real showoff, speeding down the streets in his big copper truck. It was exciting and filled me with feelings I'd never felt before. I fell in love.
At least, that's what I thought.
It as October 25th when he took me to Timmie's. "When we go outside, meet me on my side of the truck." I did. And he asked me out. And I said okay.
And all I felt was happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Regret. Embarrassment. Shame. Regret. And then I broke his heart and he broke mine. Yesterday I gave him everything he had given me back. I put it on my porch in the rain. He almost got in an accident apparently. Not my fault. Don't text and drive ya dork.
That last sentence made my heart sink.
I am not in love.
I am not in love.
I AM NOT in love.
But I miss him.
I hope he misses me.
I like you, Trev.
At least, that's what I thought.
It as October 25th when he took me to Timmie's. "When we go outside, meet me on my side of the truck." I did. And he asked me out. And I said okay.
And all I felt was happiness. Happiness. Happiness. Regret. Embarrassment. Shame. Regret. And then I broke his heart and he broke mine. Yesterday I gave him everything he had given me back. I put it on my porch in the rain. He almost got in an accident apparently. Not my fault. Don't text and drive ya dork.
That last sentence made my heart sink.
I am not in love.
I am not in love.
I AM NOT in love.
But I miss him.
I hope he misses me.
I like you, Trev.
Monday, 19 August 2013
My High School Mistakes + The Wanted List
I did a lot of dumb stuff without realizing it.
And I regret a lot.
1. Wearing a belt buckle every day. As cool as I thought this was in grade 9 and 10, I regret it so much. Especially since i wore Fox Racing, Superman, and Volkswagen belt buckles.
2. Using self tanner. Because I hate being noticed and everyone noticed. "Nice fake tan, orange is my favourite colour." Never. Again.
3. Wearing a push-up bra that leaves bra lines through the shirt. Seriously, people got the wrong idea there.
4. Hair bands. I'm not talking headbands.. I'm talking metal hair bands with big "charms" on them. Totally not right.
5. Wearing imitation converse. Although you'd think people wouldn't judge you for your clothing, they do. And they know what's fake.
6. Wearing the same jacket once a week. Seriously, that's how people will remember you if you wear something too often. "That chick with the pink jacket."
7. Putting big cellphone charms on my cellphone. Please don't get me started with this. It was just so embarrassing.
8. Putting on fake nails. Just like clothing, they know if you've got other fake stuff. And not just nails, but hair too.
9. The awkard, overgrown side bang. Yeah. That doesn't work. At all. Ever.
10. Bring tons of food to class. I'd always bring tons of rice cakes to class and make a mess. AWKWARD.
11. Putting make-up on improperly. Seeing foundation streaks and cracked lipstick lips is not attractive in anyways, trust me on this one, I know.
12. Cutting my hair too short. Although this may not be something others will regret. I REGRETTED IT SO MUCH. Make sure you get what you asked for.
Now, onto a lighter note.
What I want, and if I can even get my hands on it:
1. St. Germain MAC lipstick
2. Eyeliner (I'm almost out)
3. A proper haircut (Birthday money shall pay that, so I'm not worried)
4. New glasses (A problem since frames are SO expensive)
5. Ears pierced for the second time (Hopefully tomorrow, hopefully no more than $20)
6. L'oreal colour riche baby blossom gloss
7. Covergirl advanced radiance powder
8. Revlon Colorstay foundation
9. Hoop and stud earrings (From Ardenes, so hopefully wont be too expensive)
10. Silver glitter eyeshadow (PLEEEASE, I CAN'T FIND IT)
11. Girly mug (For my new tea addiction!)
12. Curling iron
13. Bronzer (Any kind I don't give a fuck)
14. Blush (Ditto ^)
15. Bright neon blue eyeliner (Pink would be nice too, have yet to see it though)
And I regret a lot.
1. Wearing a belt buckle every day. As cool as I thought this was in grade 9 and 10, I regret it so much. Especially since i wore Fox Racing, Superman, and Volkswagen belt buckles.
2. Using self tanner. Because I hate being noticed and everyone noticed. "Nice fake tan, orange is my favourite colour." Never. Again.
3. Wearing a push-up bra that leaves bra lines through the shirt. Seriously, people got the wrong idea there.
4. Hair bands. I'm not talking headbands.. I'm talking metal hair bands with big "charms" on them. Totally not right.
5. Wearing imitation converse. Although you'd think people wouldn't judge you for your clothing, they do. And they know what's fake.
6. Wearing the same jacket once a week. Seriously, that's how people will remember you if you wear something too often. "That chick with the pink jacket."
7. Putting big cellphone charms on my cellphone. Please don't get me started with this. It was just so embarrassing.
8. Putting on fake nails. Just like clothing, they know if you've got other fake stuff. And not just nails, but hair too.
9. The awkard, overgrown side bang. Yeah. That doesn't work. At all. Ever.
10. Bring tons of food to class. I'd always bring tons of rice cakes to class and make a mess. AWKWARD.
11. Putting make-up on improperly. Seeing foundation streaks and cracked lipstick lips is not attractive in anyways, trust me on this one, I know.
12. Cutting my hair too short. Although this may not be something others will regret. I REGRETTED IT SO MUCH. Make sure you get what you asked for.
Now, onto a lighter note.
What I want, and if I can even get my hands on it:
1. St. Germain MAC lipstick
2. Eyeliner (I'm almost out)
3. A proper haircut (Birthday money shall pay that, so I'm not worried)
4. New glasses (A problem since frames are SO expensive)
5. Ears pierced for the second time (Hopefully tomorrow, hopefully no more than $20)
6. L'oreal colour riche baby blossom gloss
7. Covergirl advanced radiance powder
8. Revlon Colorstay foundation
9. Hoop and stud earrings (From Ardenes, so hopefully wont be too expensive)
10. Silver glitter eyeshadow (PLEEEASE, I CAN'T FIND IT)
11. Girly mug (For my new tea addiction!)
12. Curling iron
13. Bronzer (Any kind I don't give a fuck)
14. Blush (Ditto ^)
15. Bright neon blue eyeliner (Pink would be nice too, have yet to see it though)
Thursday, 1 August 2013
How Social Media Kills
It kills a lot of reps.
A lot. And I noticed that today when a girl posted a picture of herself in her bra on Twitter. It was funny. And then her friend did it comparing. And I like her and know her, and she's nice. Then more and more posted it and it just became so.. Disappointing. What would their fathers say?
Then came disgusting, bare asses. Well, only one of a girl. I saw at least three boys doing it. I just wanted to shoot myself. This is why I hate school and my generation. It's definitely not very funny.
One of my close friends might be moving. Too bad. I seriously hope that doesn't follow through.
Twitter just reminds me of school. And school just reminds me how I hate 95% of my peers. And my peers make work and learning living hell, which affects my grades, which will affect my future. The struggle is real. I can't take it. Life, why must you be so cruel.
Twitter and Instagram make me realize how unattractive I truly am too. Some girls are so beautiful. With perfectly straight blonde or brunette hair. A nice bum. Perky boobs. A gorgeous smile with perfect, straight, white teeth. No smile wrinkles or thin eyebrows. It irritates me and makes me strive to be more beautiful. I am beautiful, but not confident.
A lot. And I noticed that today when a girl posted a picture of herself in her bra on Twitter. It was funny. And then her friend did it comparing. And I like her and know her, and she's nice. Then more and more posted it and it just became so.. Disappointing. What would their fathers say?
Then came disgusting, bare asses. Well, only one of a girl. I saw at least three boys doing it. I just wanted to shoot myself. This is why I hate school and my generation. It's definitely not very funny.
One of my close friends might be moving. Too bad. I seriously hope that doesn't follow through.
Twitter just reminds me of school. And school just reminds me how I hate 95% of my peers. And my peers make work and learning living hell, which affects my grades, which will affect my future. The struggle is real. I can't take it. Life, why must you be so cruel.
Twitter and Instagram make me realize how unattractive I truly am too. Some girls are so beautiful. With perfectly straight blonde or brunette hair. A nice bum. Perky boobs. A gorgeous smile with perfect, straight, white teeth. No smile wrinkles or thin eyebrows. It irritates me and makes me strive to be more beautiful. I am beautiful, but not confident.
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