The Day Before August

Was fucking insane.

I guess I never really took depression, cutting, or suicide seriously until I met hi one boy through Twitter. Very outgoing and kind. I liked him a lot from the start, especially since he wasn't a pothead and he actually seemed intellectual- until I found out his mental stability wasn't too... Sane.

I was supposed to meet up with this guy. Because if I didn't, I knew he'd be disappointed. I had already put the thought through his head so there was no turning back. But I wanted to turn back, especially since he lives far. I'd have to find $2.50 in change (which I'd probably have to steal), and take the bus for a half hour to get there. I don't even know where I'd be, because that area of Windsor is very foreign and, oddly enough, scary to me. But I thought "Man the fuck up, Katie. It's a bus ride." It really wasn't just the bus ride. It'd be the fact that I'd be going to a boys house behind my dad's back. I don't do that stuff. Ever.

Except today I did. With a different boy. He's nice, a little odd, but nice. And cute, incredibly cute. My best friend's friend. We were walking together. And he said "Let's turn in here." Of course, he was directing me to a very ghetto part of Windsor, but it was a part I was familiar with, and it was safe, so I didn't mind. And then in the next 5 seconds I realized why. Because he pulled out a blunt and started smoking it infront of me. I'd never even been in the same vicinity as someone else when they were smoking weed. But there it was happening. I don't know why it made me so unsettled, but it did.

And the next thing I knew I was at his house, playing with his dogs, eating watermelon and feeding the dogs cantaloupe. And it was great. He gave me Greek yogurt and his step mom told me I had pretty hair. I felt good.

I came home to my lovely mother who kept continously complimenting me on the top I was wearing. A floral tankj top that covered my chest nicely. Not revealing at all, and later at 9 she pointed it out to my dad who told me he didn't approve of my other tank tops and all this shit. Me being a sensitive little pussy, I cried.

To top it all off, my ex best friend texted me asking to hangout. Being the kind, but not to "push-overable", I said yes, but only so I could give her a piece of my mind in person. (I WILL PROBABLY PUSSY OUT).

I cried a lot today. I realized I was afraid of my dad.
I'm too tired to go on, and my eyes burn.